I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
