nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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