You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
