great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
