based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
