Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
