dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
