I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
