There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
