yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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