I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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