I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
two words: eviction party
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
