I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
