tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
