Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
