Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
