i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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