Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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