im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How does one acquire holy water?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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