just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
