Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
