You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
