Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
