Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
