Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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