I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
