I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
