Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
