Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
