His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
