3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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