SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
