im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
zippers are such a cool invention
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
