It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
