Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love you. Go after that dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
