I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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