girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
