im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
