im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize