Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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