I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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