i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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