I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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