Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
