today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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