We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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