so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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