Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
