I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
