Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
