I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
