That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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